My profile isn't necessarily shy, but all of these things have happened and yes, it is expected to be part of the territory.
1. People calling me by my name in the first message. Because they know me and think its funny, despite them having no profile picture nor identifying themselves, etc.
2. Nudes. Lots. Unsolicited. Every angle, every sight, no crevice left un-illuminated.
3. A level of straight-forwardness that I'm not even comfortable fully describing here, as an example, on a throwaway. Near-interrogations about interest in fetishes, positions or play-by-plays of what is going to go down on a given meetup.
4. Calculation. Every gay man on Grindr knows the game. "You interested?". If the answer is "yes", then the answer is "maybe" - they're talking to someone hotter and seeing if it will work out. If it was going to work out, you'd have swapped numbers or one person would be on the move. There's games here too.
5. Bluntless. Such a time saver when someone says "not interested, good luck hunting". Rudeness. Some people have less tact when doing it.
6. Invasive questions. Are you clean (a bad way of asking if STD free), are you clean (a somewhat fair question about your ability to receptively bottom), how big is your penis, how fat are you, etc. Though I have never been asked how tall I was...
Anyway, I know lots of men that are completely turned off by this and I can fit more fingers in my nose than it takes to count the number of women (whom I know) that would opt into this experience. And yes, these aspects are integral to the Grindr experience, it wouldn't be Grindr and it wouldn't be popular without it.
Grindr is cool, but I feel like Tinder has already lowered the barrier for casual sex for straight people.... and uh, that's not solving any of the long-tail issues being discussed in this thread.
As someone who accidentally met their partner of 6yrs while looking for casual sex on OkCupid, and someone who is and was just on Grindr earlier... no. No.
Grindr's great. I'm proud of us queer folk for eschewing the shame and ironic "pomp and circumstance" of sex culture in the US, but, in my opinion, Grindr is NOT an example of how to fix dating apps for the masses, or for straight people.
(Though, and I don't say this to be mean or directly to who I'm replying to... I can certainly see why a straight man looking for sex would envy Grindr. At the same time, talk to any queer therapist or psychiatrist in the [large city] metro area and ask them about the mental effects of Grindr/Scruff on the LGBT community. It's a double-edged sword. What does it mean when there are literally thousands of horny men around you and NONE of them are talking to you?)
That all having been said, while reading this thread and seeing the number of men saying "I get dates and I'm not attractive", I'm realizing that either (1) the bar really just is lower for gay men on Grindr or (2) I'm better looking than I give myself credit for...
Also, I can't +1 enough what `nerdjon` said. Really condenses it down nicely.
My profile isn't necessarily shy, but all of these things have happened and yes, it is expected to be part of the territory.
1. People calling me by my name in the first message. Because they know me and think its funny, despite them having no profile picture nor identifying themselves, etc.
2. Nudes. Lots. Unsolicited. Every angle, every sight, no crevice left un-illuminated.
3. A level of straight-forwardness that I'm not even comfortable fully describing here, as an example, on a throwaway. Near-interrogations about interest in fetishes, positions or play-by-plays of what is going to go down on a given meetup.
4. Calculation. Every gay man on Grindr knows the game. "You interested?". If the answer is "yes", then the answer is "maybe" - they're talking to someone hotter and seeing if it will work out. If it was going to work out, you'd have swapped numbers or one person would be on the move. There's games here too.
5. Bluntless. Such a time saver when someone says "not interested, good luck hunting". Rudeness. Some people have less tact when doing it.
6. Invasive questions. Are you clean (a bad way of asking if STD free), are you clean (a somewhat fair question about your ability to receptively bottom), how big is your penis, how fat are you, etc. Though I have never been asked how tall I was...
Anyway, I know lots of men that are completely turned off by this and I can fit more fingers in my nose than it takes to count the number of women (whom I know) that would opt into this experience. And yes, these aspects are integral to the Grindr experience, it wouldn't be Grindr and it wouldn't be popular without it.
Grindr is cool, but I feel like Tinder has already lowered the barrier for casual sex for straight people.... and uh, that's not solving any of the long-tail issues being discussed in this thread.