> We often think, If I'm blatantly angry, they'll understand that I'm unhappy with the situation.
I think he misses the mark with this idea. People don't strategically get angry. Nobody chooses anger in advance as a means to influence change or broadcast a dislike.
Anger is immediate, real-time. Precisely why it's so difficult to control. As we get older, we learn to moderate and channel this energy rather than letting the fire hose spray in all directions.
My thoughts on anger are this: don't suppress it or ignore it. Acknowledge it, then do your best to channel it. If that means firmly telling John what you think of his company's service in no uncertain terms - without being rude - then this is a good outcome. Even use an elevated tone. Such tones are useful, we have them in reserve for when an injustice happens. Nothing wrong with that. John can handle it, he's not a precious flower ready to crumble because of an unhappy client.
Feedback is important. Let's not aim for a world where everything is a "thumbs up".
Being extra nice to "John" for the sake of "not being angry" is counter-productive and doesn't help anyone.
Yes they do. And it's not uncommon. The overwhelming majority of the angry calls I got were /not/ genuine anger. At least it wasn't anger about anything I or the company was doing. It felt like, more often than not, people needed an outlet, so they directed that energy towards someone who is paid to "be nice no matter what".
I think he misses the mark with this idea. People don't strategically get angry. Nobody chooses anger in advance as a means to influence change or broadcast a dislike.
Anger is immediate, real-time. Precisely why it's so difficult to control. As we get older, we learn to moderate and channel this energy rather than letting the fire hose spray in all directions.
My thoughts on anger are this: don't suppress it or ignore it. Acknowledge it, then do your best to channel it. If that means firmly telling John what you think of his company's service in no uncertain terms - without being rude - then this is a good outcome. Even use an elevated tone. Such tones are useful, we have them in reserve for when an injustice happens. Nothing wrong with that. John can handle it, he's not a precious flower ready to crumble because of an unhappy client.
Feedback is important. Let's not aim for a world where everything is a "thumbs up".
Being extra nice to "John" for the sake of "not being angry" is counter-productive and doesn't help anyone.