I lost both my parents and a cousin in the last 18 months. I also had several close friends lose a parent during that period, and I went to the funeral of a schoolmate of my kid.
Here’s my advice, having gone through a grief counseling process.
- People are sympathetic to you, but they don’t know what to say. You might run into people who just throw out a trope like “be strong” or “time will heal all wounds”. Often this isn’t really functional advice, they are just at a loss when thinking about what to say to you. The thing not to do is try to follow this well meaning advice, because while your friend might be able to suppress the thoughts about your loved one passing, you might need to actually deal with it.
- One of the main issues with common advice it when it suggests that you hide your emotions. There's no such thing as being strong. Crying or not crying isn't about strength, whether you try one or the other against your instincts it's an emotional agony that you don't need.
- I won’t say I know how you feel. Your relationship with your loved one is personal, and relationships all have specific highs and lows. Death can even be a relief for some people.
- I worked through a book called “The Grief Recovery Handbook”. It’s worth a read. It encourage you to think through your relationship and what it means to you. You end up doing a timeline and writing a short letter.
- Often all you want is someone to sit and listen to you. You’ll find you have more friends than you thought. I ended up getting my dad's life story from one of his close friends.
Here’s my advice, having gone through a grief counseling process.
- People are sympathetic to you, but they don’t know what to say. You might run into people who just throw out a trope like “be strong” or “time will heal all wounds”. Often this isn’t really functional advice, they are just at a loss when thinking about what to say to you. The thing not to do is try to follow this well meaning advice, because while your friend might be able to suppress the thoughts about your loved one passing, you might need to actually deal with it.
- One of the main issues with common advice it when it suggests that you hide your emotions. There's no such thing as being strong. Crying or not crying isn't about strength, whether you try one or the other against your instincts it's an emotional agony that you don't need.
- I won’t say I know how you feel. Your relationship with your loved one is personal, and relationships all have specific highs and lows. Death can even be a relief for some people.
- I worked through a book called “The Grief Recovery Handbook”. It’s worth a read. It encourage you to think through your relationship and what it means to you. You end up doing a timeline and writing a short letter.
- Often all you want is someone to sit and listen to you. You’ll find you have more friends than you thought. I ended up getting my dad's life story from one of his close friends.