Did I write this? I started my first swe job in July out of a bootcamp training. Big company, entered an unstable team with no manager with a patchwork of unstable legacy systems. I’m slow and sometimes get tickets that no team member can really help with, and it can be difficult to get good help over slack. My current manager and team are at least supportive and are willing to help, even though it isn’t an ideal learning environment, mentorship is fleeing, and Like op I am too hard on myself, probably not as organized as I should be, and stress myself out more than I should. I don’t have sage advice, but as the top commenter said: breath. Anxiety and stress make you (and me) poorer decision makers and thinkers. You won’t be where you are forever. Life gives us a series of trials that we learn from, even if it feels bad in the moment. Thanks for sharing op. Your experience is my experience.