Exactly. The complex part about it is that our survival strategies often express themselves as some of our greatest strengths too. For example, to feel safe in my home as a kid I learned to actively, constantly monitor the emotional state of the people around me. That strategy as a child makes me really good at therapy or therapy adjacent roles, because tracking someone’s emotional state is a skill I’ve been practicing for decades.

The downside is I don’t know how to turn that off. Or to put it in other terms, I don’t have the capacity to choose whether I track other people’s emotional state or not. Tracking people’s emotional state all the time is exhausting, and distracting. When I’m doing that I’m not in touch with what I want or need in that moment. Growing up for me (with the help of a good therapist) currently involves learning to put that down. And it’s terrifying.

Basically every survival strategy also gives us superpowers. But it’s ok - we get to keep those superpowers even after we’ve healed those wounds.