I wish there were tools for diagramming out sentences like this in languages you don't understand. I'm sure it wouldn't help much for understanding the meaning, but it'd be nice to get an exact/terse explanation of its structure.

That, or a naive approach that attempts to map everything to mad-libs style sentences. See also; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Can_Eat_Glass

But I do get way more accurate and consistent translations from other sites.