I wouldn't need a cache if my $6 server could handle 1M hits a day.

1M hits a day is 11 and a bit hits per second. Your $6 server should be able to handle that. If it can't, then de-pessimize your code until it can.

It hits a database with 100M records. The index doesn't fit in RAM. Appreciate relevant feedback always but you can talk a long walk off a short STFU.