I am very intrigued by the idea of "let them cry to sleep". I will talk to the pediatrician about it but does this really work ? Also does it harm the baby in any way ? Honestly, 2 mins of her crying makes us get up and take her in our arms.
You must not use controlled crying techniques until the child is at least 6 months old - that's about the age that children can cry voluntarily.
Before that point the only reason they cry is to tell you that they need something. To stop them crying you have to address that need. They're either hungry, or cold, or hot, or have trapped wind, or lonely.
There is plenty of conflicting research, but I chose to pick the research that supports my point of view. (Which is all supporting 'attachment parenting'.)
When you do start the technique it is NOT 'just leave them to cry'. The child cries. You go in and calm her without taking her from the crib. You then leave before she's gone back to sleep. If she cries you wait one minute, then go back in and calm her, then leave again. If she cries you wait 2 minutes. You repeat this, adding a minute on each time.
Sometimes she might not settle at all. You can stay in the room. Don't make eye contact. Make loud sshhhsss noises. Pat her on the back. Don't take her from the cot unless there's a need to.
It's important to set aside 2 weeks for this process. Usually it doesn't take that long, most children settle in after 2 or 3 nights. But you must be consistent.
> There is plenty of conflicting research, but I chose to pick the research that supports my point of view.
I'm in the same boat as you here, I've heard arguments from both sides, and eventually you have to pick the one that "feels right". It's hardly a data-driven decision.
> Before that point the only reason they cry is to tell you that they need something. To stop them crying you have to address that need. They're either hungry, or cold, or hot, or have trapped wind, or [are] lonely.
Or, again, you've set up their expectations about what happens next and they're letting you know they're ready for it.
> <snip self-soothing technique>
> It's important to set aside 2 weeks for this process. Usually it doesn't take that long, most children settle in after 2 or 3 nights. But you must be consistent.
See, I don't think this whole technique is substantially different from doing the same thing at 6 weeks. The reason "controlled crying" involves so much in-and-out of the bedroom, is because you are re-training the child's expectations. You've spent 6 months telling the child "If you cry when you don't need anything else, I'll pick you up" and so of course you have to ease them into it, because it's an unexpected change of the routine.
The goal is the same, the result is the same, the effect on the child is the same, the only difference is that Baby-wise says that a child of 6 weeks is capable of learning how to sleep, whereas "controlled crying" is saying a child must be 6 months.
I'll point you again to the Baby-wise book. Honestly after the second child, we stopped looking to the book and just went remembered the general advice and modified it to fit the child.
> I will talk to the pediatrician about it ...
By all means do, but also realize that the "science" of child rearing is anything but settled, and your pediatrician may have personal bias toward one method over another (not that that's a bad thing, just be aware of it).
> does it harm the baby in any way ?
I'm speaking here from experience, not academic study, but I'll say in an unhesitating voice, No. Our babies, as well as friends' children who have followed similar techniques, have all been on a regular eat, then wake/play, then sleep schedule as advocated in The Book. My older three children all have incredibly different personalities, from the goofy intellectual, to the excitable thespian, to the Little Annie Oakley who is currently stealing my heart. We've let each of them go through periods of self-soothing, and none of them appear any worse for the wear.
As I said, newborns are immediately adapting to their environment. Whether you're intending to or not, you're conditioning them to "the routine" of the house. If the routine is "I eat for 30 minutes. Then I am awake for 30 minutes. Then I am held while I sleep for an hour and a half. Then I lay down on my own for 30 minutes. Rinse and repeat" then they will adapt to that routine, and the crying you are hearing is their way of saying "Hey, you aren't following the routine, you're supposed to be holding me now."
There are people that let their children cry when they do have genuine needs. I'm not advocating that you do that. I'm simply saying that if you know their needs are met, and many times you will, letting them cry is OK. If you're in doubt, feel free to err on the side of picking them up and holding them.
