For what it's worth, the model I find most useful is a bimodal distribution: the average for men and women is indeed fairly different on the parameters you describe, but there is quite a lot of overlap, and individuals who are past the mean of the other gender. There's no need to apologize for acknowledging that the means are different; there probably is cause to apologize if you insist on treating people as if they were in two distinct, narrow columns with a huge gap between them.
The results with differences in children are there, but the claims of innateness are overstated (not false, merely overstated) - children are treated differently, in terms of how they're talked to and bounced around, even in their first week of life. I don't believe the social differences in their treatment have absolutely no impact.
I hate forcing people into 'traditional' roles - and those roles tend to be an idealized version of how people think their grandparents lived, anyhow. I'm in favour of letting people be people. I think children should be encouraged to follow their interests, and learn how to interact in at least one culture, but not forced into moulds for the sake of ideology. If someone wants to learn about fashion, makeup, or piloting fighter planes, great; if there are statistically significant differences in who is doing what, fine; if you're forcing people into one thing or another based on traits that correlate (such as their gender), stop. Don't force someone to chose a profession based on their gender and opposed to their interests, whether you're shovelling sand with or against your society's tide.
Good lives can include good marriages, and probably do for most people, but don't necessarily have to; people are diverse. I'm sorry to hear your marriage ended unhappily, but I would hazard a guess that it wasn't purely due to you not understanding women as a group, and at least partly not understanding the needs of the particular woman you were married to; the two may have been similar, but certainly were not identical.
Purely anecdotally, I'm in a happy relationship with a man, like technology far more than even the average male open source programmer, and don't care at all about fashion, makeup, gossip, or hair. I'm not 'traditional', and I have no desire to be; I am happy.
Congratulations on your good understanding
of and application of probability densities!
That subject is again something many more
men understand than women!
All or nearly all your arguments are fine.
You are the first woman I ever heard of who
actually likes technology. I doubt that
Marissa Mayer really likes technology;
maybe screen layouts, colors, and UI/UX but not
actual technology. Congratulations on your
liking what you do and doing what you like.
My wife was a big challenge. I met her
when she was 18, first saw her socially
at 20, and married her at 22. At 20,
she looked fine, and she had two younger
sisters that also looked fine. And her
mother looked like Bismarck's church,
cooking, children, sewing (in German,
all start with 'K' but I don't want to
go to the trouble to get the umlauts
typed in correctly so give you the English
translation).
But my evaluation was seriously wrong.
It turned out, if knew some of what to
look for, her mother had cut off essentially
all communications with her husband and
with everyone else talked only about trivia
such as the weather. So, the parents had
no intimacy between their ears. I failed
to see that until years later. Otherwise,
the family looked terrific.
Alas, all three of the girls started to
encounter serious problems near age 22.
That's just the way some of these things
work. See it? Now, sure. Then, no.
There was next to nothing I could do.
The only option for her and us was that
she regard herself as dependent on me,
be subordinate to me, look to me for
nearly all direction and thinking, for
what she was to do, day by day, nearly
hour by hour, have me make requests,
show her how to accomplish the task of the
request
if she didn't already know
well, let her do what I had asked, and
then get praise and approval at the end.
This solution did work; I never tried it,
but in effect we tried it by accident and
it worked well.
But, she was very angry about that solution,
so angry she just would not accept it.
I never tried to get her to follow this
solution, and maybe that was a mistake
of mine, asking too much of her. When
I married her, my view of her capabilities
was very high, the polar opposite of
the solution I described.
But, how she lived before I met her
actually was close to that solution:
Her parents and school teachers and
professors made the assignments, and
she did them with high diligence and,
then, got her self-image and self-
esteem. Her big problem, where she
stumbled, dropped the ball, tripped
over the ball, fell on the ball, and
lost the ball was just when she was
given some independence and expected
to work out for herself what to do.
There was more to the situation, but
there was no easy solution except the
one that she was so angry about she
would not accept it.
Technology can be fun, involving,
and profitable -- go for it!
The results with differences in children are there, but the claims of innateness are overstated (not false, merely overstated) - children are treated differently, in terms of how they're talked to and bounced around, even in their first week of life. I don't believe the social differences in their treatment have absolutely no impact.
I hate forcing people into 'traditional' roles - and those roles tend to be an idealized version of how people think their grandparents lived, anyhow. I'm in favour of letting people be people. I think children should be encouraged to follow their interests, and learn how to interact in at least one culture, but not forced into moulds for the sake of ideology. If someone wants to learn about fashion, makeup, or piloting fighter planes, great; if there are statistically significant differences in who is doing what, fine; if you're forcing people into one thing or another based on traits that correlate (such as their gender), stop. Don't force someone to chose a profession based on their gender and opposed to their interests, whether you're shovelling sand with or against your society's tide.
Good lives can include good marriages, and probably do for most people, but don't necessarily have to; people are diverse. I'm sorry to hear your marriage ended unhappily, but I would hazard a guess that it wasn't purely due to you not understanding women as a group, and at least partly not understanding the needs of the particular woman you were married to; the two may have been similar, but certainly were not identical.
Purely anecdotally, I'm in a happy relationship with a man, like technology far more than even the average male open source programmer, and don't care at all about fashion, makeup, gossip, or hair. I'm not 'traditional', and I have no desire to be; I am happy.