Not sure if this helps or not but before we had our first my wife and I sounded a little like we were on the same page as you, more black and white. For example, we were mid 30's when "we" got pregnant so there were concerns about Downs and other stuff that happens when the eggs are older. We were pretty darn sure that if there were any "major" problems such as Downs, we would abort. It seemed pretty obvious what the right call was.

After having the first one? Things changed. Downs really didn't seem that bad compared to a life. I'm still pro choice and I don't think you could pay me enough to judge someone else's decision, that's their choice and it's hard enough without my irrelevant opinion in the mix. But for me personally? The bar on where I would go with an abortion went WAY up after having a kid. Way up.

Just trying to say having a kid really changed my thinking and I suspect I'm not that unusual in that respect.